Silky Edged Blanket

She was my constant
My alpha and omega
Her skin soft and silky glided between my fingers
When I was alone, afraid, nervous, or unsettled
When the world around me was tumultuous
She helped me weather the storms
When He wasn't there to hold me
She wrapped and held me tightly
She wiped my tears away and kissed my boo-boos
She gave me super powers
I could take on the world with her by my side

We danced, we fantasized of the life undiscovered before me
She cushioned all the hard and scratchy edges
She supported me like a strong foundation
She was the magic carpet that I would ride to escape to my secret world
She was a saddle, a pillow, a cradle for my babies
She way my satin angel in white
She was Heaven on Earth
She was my first love
She showed me how to love unconditionally
If I stepped on her or dropped her she still showed up
She never held grudges if I left her untouched for days
She would always find me even if I misplaced her

Then too prematurely like the death of a loved one,
She was gone
I trusted her and just this one time she let me down
She slipped away leaving me exposed, now my edges tattered like hers
My childlike innocence came unfolded
She was stolen by my mom's new security blanket
He said I was too old to cry
Too old to hold and be loved by something so benign
His fear became my mistrust
In her absence, I erected an invisible wall
To shield me from the pain
To protect me while I learned to grow wings
To be brave enough to fly above the wall
To sit on the other side with the pain

Young Girl

She was a young girl
Who only wanted her daddy's love
Her pain packed up in suitcases
Hidden in closets so she could please her mama

Her mama loved her
But suffered because he could not love her
The same way he could not love this young girl
His pain packed up in bottles
Just trying to fight for his own way

She was a young girl
Just trying to call him Daddy
She wanted him to hug her, dance and bask in her presence
And teach him how this thing called love works

She was a young girl
Earning her love in all the wrong ways
Covered her sorrow with straight A's, sugar highs and bitter sweet unlovable guys
Seeking attention with her flashy smile just to hide her sorrow

She was a young girl
Erecting walls to hide behind
Worry and anxiety in case she let her love for him shine
Abandoned and lost to who she was meant to be

One day this young girl
Made a decision to feel the pain, stopped chasing titles and just stayed awhile
No longer a prisoner dragging her chains
She cut away each link over time

No longer trapped like a young girl
She rose to the wise woman calling her name
Those old tapes played but lost their tune
She'd found that love was woven into weakness, beautifully imperfect.

Suffer to Thrive

Dead end posted on Escape Lane
Destination Blvd isn't very beautiful
The darkness on Lighthouse Ave
Disease, fear, loss, and separation
The strobe lights that guide our ships

The waves the perfect height
Salt in our wounds
Expands and heals
We are called to enjoy the ride

Attached to nonattachment
The safety ring thrown overboard
The anchor comes untethered
The weak sink, the strong swim, the empowered float
The content walk, the achievers run, the enlightened are still

The sun still rises
The moon holds back no surprises
Unimpressed by expectations
Suffering in stillness
Thriving through suffering

Ride On

I've been here before
The same old dance to a broken record
A cage of insecurity
The fear of untapped potential

A knight in shining armor
riding on a bridge called Despair
Blessed to be a vessel of divinity
Enslaved to my untapped soul

We repeat what we don't repair
The touch of a button
The fire escape
The trampoline at the bottom awaits

Creativity surmounts
Overthinking ensues
Canceling out intuition
Burning up inside the building

Whip-poor-will Moments

Lying on our back, faces skyward
The stars the grand staff of the Whip-poor-will's melody
The vastness the endless opportunity within reach

Our hunger not fully satiated
Two hours of maternal drumming vibrations
Energy released from ancestors

The $90 Dining Experience
An hour of wine and tastes so complex
Universal simplicities of the Human Condition
Feasted upon, opened and exposed with each bite
Nudging us forward into
The Space, the Gap, the Collective

Judgement teases acceptance
Forgiveness enriches trust
Sweetness dances with bitterness
Togetherness and loneliness intertwined
A large picnic table inviting company
A scratchy lounge chair softened with a friend nearby

The cool air and the cat's sharp teeth bite my leg
Bringing me back to the present
A shooting star exploding
Propelled forward by fear as exhaust
Pain released, closer.

The Waiting Game

The spot line shines
Selfishness center stage
Self-preservation
Maturity sacrificed
Insecurity in what I can provide my off-spring
Needing, loathing, screaming, yearning
Burning desire for more
Desperation and compassion wanting to
Soothe another's suffering
Co-dependent's miserable companion
Depressed, angry, frustrated, confused, impatient
Just waiting
Breathe.

Melt-Off

I hear the stream return to the frozen lake.
My eyes follow the curved and rocky path the water takes.
The sun's rays excite my pupils.
The cool air icing on my ears like a glazed donut.
Harsh times signal a new season
The crumbling and rebuilding of a marriage,
The 35 years of buried abandonment,
Loss of my father, Grandfather, husband, and a brother
But Mother Earth has my back
Compassion for those suffering from attachment
Attachment to substance, highs and lows

The thinning edges of the ice, receding
Soggy ground peeking through
The pathway I walk becomes more apparent
Some edges remain razor sharp, some thick and strong
The sharpened ones prepared to break away
The thick and strong, absorb the shock, resisting despite my efforts to stomp on them

Each day more sunlight hits the layers underneath
Unearthing what's been there, waiting all winter
More absorbent than dormant
Gaining vital substance from the layers weighing them down all winter.
Waiting to expose itself, revitalized.

Let us not forget we are the Earth,
to there we will return.
Experience the growth of each season
Just like Mother Earth
provides a refuge.