Silky Edged Blanket

She was my constant
My alpha and omega
Her skin soft and silky glided between my fingers
When I was alone, afraid, nervous, or unsettled
When the world around me was tumultuous
She helped me weather the storms
When He wasn't there to hold me
She wrapped and held me tightly
She wiped my tears away and kissed my boo-boos
She gave me super powers
I could take on the world with her by my side

We danced, we fantasized of the life undiscovered before me
She cushioned all the hard and scratchy edges
She supported me like a strong foundation
She was the magic carpet that I would ride to escape to my secret world
She was a saddle, a pillow, a cradle for my babies
She way my satin angel in white
She was Heaven on Earth
She was my first love
She showed me how to love unconditionally
If I stepped on her or dropped her she still showed up
She never held grudges if I left her untouched for days
She would always find me even if I misplaced her

Then too prematurely like the death of a loved one,
She was gone
I trusted her and just this one time she let me down
She slipped away leaving me exposed, now my edges tattered like hers
My childlike innocence came unfolded
She was stolen by my mom's new security blanket
He said I was too old to cry
Too old to hold and be loved by something so benign
His fear became my mistrust
In her absence, I erected an invisible wall
To shield me from the pain
To protect me while I learned to grow wings
To be brave enough to fly above the wall
To sit on the other side with the pain

Young Girl

She was a young girl
Who only wanted her daddy's love
Her pain packed up in suitcases
Hidden in closets so she could please her mama

Her mama loved her
But suffered because he could not love her
The same way he could not love this young girl
His pain packed up in bottles
Just trying to fight for his own way

She was a young girl
Just trying to call him Daddy
She wanted him to hug her, dance and bask in her presence
And teach him how this thing called love works

She was a young girl
Earning her love in all the wrong ways
Covered her sorrow with straight A's, sugar highs and bitter sweet unlovable guys
Seeking attention with her flashy smile just to hide her sorrow

She was a young girl
Erecting walls to hide behind
Worry and anxiety in case she let her love for him shine
Abandoned and lost to who she was meant to be

One day this young girl
Made a decision to feel the pain, stopped chasing titles and just stayed awhile
No longer a prisoner dragging her chains
She cut away each link over time

No longer trapped like a young girl
She rose to the wise woman calling her name
Those old tapes played but lost their tune
She'd found that love was woven into weakness, beautifully imperfect.