Triple D's

I wouldn't wish a deployment upon anyone just as I wouldn't wish death or divorce (triple threat), but for one really twisted aspect, they all are connected. if you know what I mean.  It has been a very refreshing experience living away from the USAF and somewhere I have chosen on my own.  With that being said, I love WF, MT so much that I have to keep fighting that dreaded thought of picking up and relocating next summer.  People don't like to divulge too much about this place because it's that special.  Popular t-shirts that tell people to dualistically "Take a Hike" can be spotted frequently in town.  People are free-spirited; women without make-up, unshaven legs, and bras stepping away from the unwritten confines placed upon them in many other places I've lived.  It very much reminds me of living in Norway which is probably why I'm drawn to this community.  It's small, people are outdoors, and there's always something going on in town.  Civic activities like theater, donation and volunteer driven hiking trails, and supporting local businesses adds to the bolstering pride of the community.  There are no big commercialized businesses, all locally owned mom and pop places.  I have a very leisurely part time job, the kids love their public school and have adjusted well, we are beginning to make friends, and O is taking electric guitar lessons at a non-profit music school.

Despite being in this physical utopia, I'm trying to align the mental and emotional struggles that come with this forced marriage separation.  I've discovered a lot of my true nature apart from my hubs which has been quite a humbling yet much-needed experience.  Our marriage has grown in tremendous ways that I know can only be attributed to some higher power at work.  After spending the last 16 years together, these enlightening moments of marital growth still impress me.  I am constantly in awe of the ways in which life and our love for one another unfolds.  I sit here in this beautiful mountain lake setting, early morning fog spread across the lake, sun cast through the trees, kids all out of the house, sipping on a delicious loose leaf tea, and in this moment can truly say, I am so thankful for the opportunity to be here at this juncture of deployed life.  The irony is that opposing emotions are heightened when allowed to co-exist.  I can be lonely yet embrace learning how to be by myself.  I can feel frustration doing it alone but reap the self-satisfaction of independence.  I can allow the heartache to expand into the space for love, trust, and grace.